The Christmas Party

Downtown Skyline

     I was warned about this a few weeks ago, and she made it a point to tell me to be sure to pick out something to wear at least a few days before hand so we can handle any issues that arise.

     This is a good point since I have been a Security Guard for 9 years, all my clothes say "ACME SECURITY," even my underwear.

     Hanging in a corner of my closet, near a suit I wore one time nine years ago, I found a tan pair of slacks. I even remembered these, but they were just a tad too small. I knew that after I ate something I would not be able to breathe. This was a casual dinner, but what she called "dressy casual." That meant my blue jeans, tank top and sandals were not an option. (which is a good thing since it was about 29 degrees outside, and snowing.)

     Like always, we waited till the last minute before we ejected ourselves off the couch and started moving.

First stop was Kohl's where she bought me a nice pair of pants, a sweater, (We were looking for a Grinch, but couldn't find one.) socks and a belt. We had a hard time finding anything that had traditional Christmas colors and settled for a nice winter colored outfit.

     Then she had to have her nails fixed. Once a month she has her nails done, removed, sanded, applied, painted and sharpened. She broke one a few weeks ago (you should see the other guy) and needed it fixed and then all painted a more Christmassy color. While there, I got a manicure to. Don’t laugh guys, its nice to be pampered.

     Around six o clock we took a nice slow drive over the ice and snow down to the Newport Aquarium. This is a nice place, especially when the Company buys it out and there are no screaming kids or parents. This is the second time we've been there, the first was last years party.

     The first part of the festivities included an open bar with watered down drinks, the wife drank as much as she could while it was free, I was allowed to have three. (really it was two, I snuck the third one). I was a little surprised at how crowded it was, over 150 people at least. 

     We managed to find a seat with people she actually knew and enjoyed being around, the people that sat near her cubicle, and we talked for about an hour. Let me clarify, they talked and my head did circles trying to zero in on one conversation. Why is it when you have ten people at a table they all have to talk about something different. I searched for a good conversation, but I couldn't find one. I got introduced to fifteen different people, and I forgot all their names before we left. We got some horderves while waiting for the dinner. They were small but edible.

     Once the bar closed, didn't really close, they just started charging for drinks, they moved us through the exhibits until we reached the dinning area, about 30 tables surrounded by more fishy displays. The entire time we ate I had the feeling I was being watched. 


     I kinda of figured the woman next to me, not my wife, was already smashed when she put her hand on my knee, I did advise her not to do that in front of my wife. (Don't think she would have liked that.)

     As too the food, no seafood was served, guess they were afraid of our audience throwing a coo.

I have no idea what I ate, the steamed veggies were okay, but the chicken was dry and the steak was tough. The unidentified rice cakes were however excellent.

     The conversations that were broken up resumed during dinner. They were a little more fun now. I'm not sure if it was the alcahol they drank or the few l had.

     After dinner we were ushered back to where it all began.

     This is where they handed out the door prizes. The wife wasn't looking forward to this because no one in her department ever won. The theory was you had to be blonde with large breasts to win. And sure enough, one of our table mates got picked.

     As the wife opened her mouth to complain her name was called. Once she was revived and back on her feet she walked up and got her prize. Just a card board cutout of the real thing. Was later told by her friend, "Oh, we're out of stock on that."

     It was getting close to 10 pm, an hour past my bed time and looking forward to at least a thirty minute drive and twenty minutes to let the dogs out. And I had to work Sunday.

     We left soon after, fighting with the idiots that had forgot how to drive in half an inch of snow. Remember, driving is like coloring, you just have to stay between the lines.

     At 11pm, I was asleep and dreaming. I can't really go into what.

     The morning brought the sequel, Revenge of the Party. With my head throbbing I woke with a start and realized I over slept. But I had time and made it in a few minutes before seven.

     Can't wait till next years.